Guest Post by Kari Patterson
I had gotten up early. Everything was ready. The baby Jesus doll was hidden. Gifts were wrapped. Cinnamon rolls were formed, rising, ready to bake.
My 4-year-old son was the first to rise. He shuffled downstairs, carrying his new Lightning McQueen car he’d received for his birthday just four days prior.
I bound over, excited. “Good morning, sweetie! Do you know what today is?”
He rubs his eyes, scrunches up his face. “Can I play with my toys?”
I continue, “It’s Christmas! Isn’t that exciting?! And now you get to look for baby Jesus!”
He runs over to the couch, hides his face in a pillow. “I don’t want to look! I want to play!”
“But … after we find baby Jesus we can open your presents!” My mind races. We’re supposed to be at my parents’ house at 10am. We still have to do baby Jesus, open gifts, and deliver hot cinnamon rolls to a family down the road.
My son starts to cry. “I don’t want to open presents! I just want to play with my toys.”
This is unbelievable. I shake my head. What child doesn’t want to open presents? Why is my family always the one where nothing goes right?
I promise him there are more toys to be had, and we finally get him to the tree. He opens a box, a gift sent from a relative. It’s a package of socks. His face falls. Now I’m irate. Really? Come on people, I’m trying to get my kid excited about Christmas, and you gave him socks for crying out loud!
“Mommy, I don’t want socks. I just want to play with my toys!” Now he’s crying and I’m on the verge.
Eventually we make it out the door. My dear husband, wanting to cheer me up, suggests we stop at Starbucks. He runs in while I stay in the car. It takes him another fifteen minutes because the line is so long. Seriously, people, it’s Christmas! Go home and be with your families! By now we’re an hour late and it shows on my face. I’m know I’m being ridiculous, but I’m on the verge of tears. Why am I so irrational? It’s Christmas!
Eventually, we make it to the family’s house to deliver the cinnamon rolls. Their whole family comes out on the porch, all hugs and laughter and genuine joy. I notice they’re all still in pajamas. I ask about their day, what their plans are, still struck by how happy they all are.
The mom smiles and responds, “Oh, we just relax, stay in our jammies all day. We play games or do something fun. You know, whatever.”
Whatever.
That’s what I’m missing.
The gift of whatever. When we give our family our expectations, everybody loses. We wrap up our ideals, our dreams of the “perfect” day, and then expect them to perform according to our plan. When they don’t, we’re frustrated. All in the name of the most wonderful time of the year.
What if, instead of giving expectations, we gave the gift of whatever. If we decided that whatever happened on a holiday, we’d be happy and thankful. That the only expectations we had were for ourselves, expecting ourselves to be kind. Expecting ourselves to be gracious. Expecting ourselves to be willing to go with whatever.
The gift of whatever might be just what our families need. A fun, flexible holiday where the only thing that’s set in stone is the certainty of joy.
Kari Patterson is a pastor’s wife, ministry mommy, writer, runner, blogger, reader and frugal living enthusiast. She enjoys green tea, line-dried laundry and Alexander McCall Smith novels. Her musings can be found at KariPatterson.com.
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ohhhh, the balance of whatever is so difficult. we just moved from PDX where my dh small family lives back to Kansas where my huge family lives. i remember the last couple years being disappointed after the morning activites because the rest of the day didn’t meet the expectations I had formed in my mind. Fast-forward to this year and while I’m excited to spend Christmas with family that I haven’t gotten to spend it with in 5 years, I’m not excited about not being able to do “whatever”…..since I read the lemonade post first, I think I’ll just try to make sugar and spice and everything nice out of “whatever” happens for the day 🙂
Lol.. funny how small the world is! Great post Miss Kari! Thanks for the continued inspiration.. Becky taught me of this gift you speak. Losing her made it a necessary form of living. Merry Christmas to you and your ‘lil family! <3
I need to remember whatever too becasue that’s when I’m happiest. I just suddenly feel that things won’t be perfect if I don’t cram a million things in so the kids can have those memories. My favorite memories of Christmas as a child though are gazing up at the Christmas tree and singing carols.
This is the second Christmas without my husband since he left us in 2010. My kids did great last one and will do great this one too. We pretty much do “whatever” because I have told the grandparents we will be there when we get there. I do not want to stress out my kids because they have had enough these past two years. God Bless those who don’t do “Whatever” and may they get to this year. For those of us who do, we are already blessed. My God Bless everyone with NO STRESS this Christmas.
LOVED this. I don’t even have children and I needed to hear it! I posted the link on Facebook!
what a beautiful post! I agree… a little less “expectation” and a little more “celebration” and we’d all be a lot happier this Christmas. I will just need to repeat that about 500 more times until it sinks in. LOL
Thanks for sharing! Last Christmas with a 2 yr old and newborn we fit in 5 families and 2 states over a 3 day period, but it broke my heart to have my daughter crying no more Christmas, no more parties at the end of it all. This year I am fortunate to have a week of vacation (and the only grandchildren to schedule around) so we are slowing it down and stretching the fetsivities into a week long of fun, taking more of a whatever approach and hopefully not passing my stress on to the kids.
Awesome! Oh girl, I think we’ve all had those moments of dragging out kids around then thinking, “What on earth am I doing?!” So glad you’ve put new things into practice this year! I hope it’s filled with awesome Whatever fun! 🙂
What struck me was the graciousness and joy of the people you gave the cinnammon rolls to….they were actually happy about it! Seems like anytime I do anything lately no one cares! I got a buy one get one free Christmas Tree and decided to chop one down, drag it out and deliver (a very, very expensive free tree) to our friends. Lets just say it was more of a nuisance for them if anything! They didn’t want it, they didn’t want to deal with it, and the husband sat on his lazy rear instead of helping us unload their 80+ pound tree….this post has made me think…apparently there are people out there that are happy and appreciate when you do something for them, because right now, I feel like doing nothing for no one!
Oh Tiffany, I’m sorry. I think we’ve probably all felt that too–those moments when you DO do something nice and it feels like no one cares. Hang in there and keep on giving! And hey, bring ME some something — I’d go wild with thanks! 🙂
I completely agree. I have always felt that I need to make everyone happy and over commit and then no one is happy. As a mother of two boys (one autistic) usually my idea of how Christmas is suppose to look and how it actually is are two different things. I am going to do my very best to adopt the WHATEVER concept. Thanks for the reminder and Merry Christmas to all!!!
Oh Dawn, yes — boys don’t sit and do Christmas crafts, do they? No siree! I hope this year is filled with what YOU and your family find joyful: legos, mud, whatever! Merry Christmas!
Been married 11 years and have 3 children and every year, we have always just done “whatever” on Christmas Day…It’s the BEST!
Awesome! Have a very Merry Christmas, Virginia!
Really beautiful and honest post.
I sometimes have a hard time this time of year because my family of origin does not look like a Hallmark commercial.
As my husband reminds me, those people aren’t real!
I hope you have a holiday full of Whatever!
Thank you, Maegen! Yes, so true. In fact, the last few years I’ve purposefully just sent out a “whatever” photo for the Christmas card — we don’t look perfect because we aren’t! 🙂 It helps us remember that we’re all just real people! Thanks for sharing; have a wonderful holiday!
love this! esp since Im trying to manage all quality time and not offend extended, inlaws and grandparents..
Yes, family is what makes it both wonderful and tricky all at once. We learn and grow each year, yes? Merry Christmas Mis B!
I have been trying to explain this to my in-laws for over a decade. We love spending time with them (and my family), but we hate the tight timeline and no chance to actually relax and enjoy life! Maybe this year it will actually happen.
Maybe slip them the link to this post…? 🙂 Have a Merry Christmas!
Great post! It hit home. 🙂
Thanks, Mandy! Glad to know I’m not the only one — hope your holiday is filled with Whatever fun!